Three blind mice. Three blind mice.
See how they run. See how they run.
They all ran after the farmer’s wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
Did you ever see such a sight in your life,
As three blind mice?

Yes, I saw an FA disciplinary committee once. They didn’t see me, they see nothing. That’s unfair, actually, one saw me but the others weren’t convinced and that kind of ended that.

If you were going to commit a bank robbery, make sure that the only witnesses are members of the FA. Then run away. But make sure that you aren’t wearing a Leeds United shirt, they’d see EVERYTHING in that case. Probably be able to scan your fingerprints too whilst you were on the hoof!

OK, hyperbole from me but not without reason. Here’s Exhibit A:

Yes, that does look like a headbutt, well a poor attempt at one, you are right.

Here’s Exhibit B, courtesy of the FA’s own regulations:

Violent conduct is when a player uses or attempts to use excessive force or brutality against an opponent when not challenging for the ball, or against a team-mate, team official, match official, spectator or any other person, regardless of whether contact is made.

That’s an extract from the FA’s own rulebook – that’s a part of their Law 12. Look right carefully at the bit that says “uses or attempts to use excessive force.” Hell, look at all of it. Now look at Exhibit A and tell me that what Sergi Canos does can be seen as anything else other than an “attempt to use excessive force against an opponent when not challenging for the ball…regardless of whether contact is made.”

There are some who are saying that due to the half-hearted nature of it, the shambolic execution, that it is in no way dangerous enough to be considered a real example of “violent conduct.” There’s even been some who have excused it as being an attempted headbutt that doesn’t really qualify as it made minimal, if any, contact.

Imagine going to court accused of dropping a bag of cement on a person, breaking their right leg. The judge reads the charges, then asks how you plead. You admit you dropped the heavy bag on purpose, but you are pleading not guilty your Honour on account of you wanting to break his left leg! It’s that kind of madness. Attempted headbutt, really.

Above is Swiss biophysicist Jacques Dubochet receiving a share of the 2017 Nobel Prize for Chemsitry for his part in developing cryo-electron microscopy for the high-resolution structure determination of biomolecules in solution. No, I have no idea what that means either.

What I do know is that he received it for doing ‘something’, even if I haven’t got a clue what it was for.

The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences don’t award the Nobel Prizes for ‘attempted’ Chemistry. Seems that there is a parallel in that the FA don’t award citations for violent conduct for half-hearted, yet intentional, headbutts.

All that remains is for Leeds United fans to get on the blower and call the Farmer’s Wife – there’s some tails that need cutting off of some blind mice at the FA.

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About Author

Cynicism turned to optimism but without the woop woops and ringing bells. Leeds United supporter through thick and thin, more thin than anything recently. Write mainly about the Whites but turn my hand to other clubs. Lover of salted crisp sandwiches. Not a hipster.

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